Posts Tagged ‘parenting’

Things were good again with W this morning. He was a little miffed that I didn’t wake him up at 6 am, again. But I told him I will do it no matter what next Tuesday, even if I have to drag him out of bed and carry him down the stairs and plop him on the couch.

I made pancakes this morning. I think they were appreciated by everyone. T was/is a little sad.  I think there are things about school that are bothering her, some I can figure out (grades, feeling like she is behind in some areas) but there might be more to the story and so far she is not sharing. I’ll have to keep my eye on her. Socially things are good (although I saw her in the fifth grade line today and she looked upset. She and her best friend were not standing near each other. Maybe a little fight occurred?)

W and Ms. B decided that he would try eating in the lunchroom again today. So that is making me slightly anxious. I hope it goes well and I hope they are open to continue doing lunch how they’ve been doing it all week if it doesn’t. W told me yesterday afternoon that on Monday he wants to be dropped off at his class line instead of going to the office to meet Ms. B. I suggested we make it Tuesday instead. This is also making me slightly anxious, but it is a good sign.

He really has been so much happier, although he does get tired and it all starts to catch up with him by Wednesday, I think. We all need this weekend.

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good again

W is having a good week. The mornings have been smooth. The evenings have had only a few conflicts, but about sharing the tv, not school. I think we will get through tomorrow with another smiley face on his chart.

And then we have to make it through the weekend. Weekends bring a lot of change and change is not something that W or I handle particularly well. So P and I HAVE to sit down on Friday night or Saturday morning to plan the weekend, manage expectations and not overwhelm ourselves with activities and being out of the house too much. Which is hard to do. But we are realizing more and more that it is vital and necessary or none of us the patience or energy to get through our hectic weekdays.

W has decided he would rather see his “treat for going to school without conflict” movie on Saturday or Sunday, instead of tomorrow. Tomorrow is Generator Rex and Star Wars Clone Wars. F has her homecoming dance on Saturday (for which she still does not have a dress! She hates shopping. She hates dresses. Hence, she has no dress for the dance that is two days away). T will likely come up with some surprise activity she wants to be involved in. And P and I must, must, must find a few hours to spend together.

All in all it has been a good, happy week.

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A partial list of why I’m down:

  • Y has truly been living up to his “diagnosis” of “quirky” lately and it has been wearing me down emotionally and mentally. I so so so so hope that school will help, because I so so so so need his “outcome” to be different from his brother’s
  • My toe is still not healed and it has been wearing me down.
  • Because of my toe  and my quirky kid, we have not done all of the fun summer things I had planned.
  • Upon reflection, I decided to postpone starting school. It did not seem like a good idea for EVERYONE in our house to be going to school this fall, especially when three of those people will be in school full time for the first time EVER.  I do believe it is the best decision I can make for my family right now, but I have been notorious for saying I was going to do something and then finding a reason not to do it.
  • My adult child with Asperger’s is still struggling to find a place for himself in this world. And really, I don’t know what I can do to help him, except be there to listen. 

I guess for right now I need to find a book to get lost in and look at the pretty roses that P gave me yesterday. And maybe make some blueberry muffins, even if standing for that long will make my foot swell.

the Beatles, I’m Down

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We planned the whole weekend. Y was happy with all of the plans, thankfully. We built in enough “down” time for him. Time to play video games, time to play with friends, time for sword fighting imaginary foes.

The last thing on our agenda, for Sunday night, was going to see Karate Kid! Yay! A movie we were all looking forward to seeing. Even our eldest daughter, R, wanted to come. But I made one crucial mistake. I neglected to tell Y that we were going to a different theater than we usually go to.

We all got in the car and were talking about the movie and what snacks everyone wanted to get. The theater we usually go to is about five minutes away from our house. The theater we went to last night is about 15 minutes away. It finally dawned on Y that we hadn’t arrived at “our’ theater yet and he said ” Are we going to a different theater?”.  Oops. I told him “Oh, yeah, I thought I told you that we were seeing the movie at the Tivoli. You’ve been there before.” He insisted that he hadn’t been there before and that in fact I had not told him.

His eyes got kind of misty, but he stayed quiet. We arrived at the theater. We all got out of the car. Except for Y. P had to get him out of the car. We started walking to the theater. Y said ” This theater is boring.” I said “Well, the movie won’t be boring. It’s going to be lots of fun.”. We kept walking and he kept insisting that the theater was boring.

We payed for our tickets, got in line for snacks and Y said that he wasn’t hungry. This after telling us at dinner that night that he didn’t want to eat too much pizza because he wanted to be hungry for movie snacks. But now, nope, there was no room in his tummy for one ounce of candy, let alone a whole box.

At this point, my blood was starting to boil. I tried to remain calm, but really, I had thought this evening was just gonna be fun. I wasn’t ready for the struggle of getting Y back to a place where he could enjoy himself ~ if that was even possible.

His sister was able to make him smile a few times, but when he wasn’t getting her direct attention, he was on his knees, face down on the floor. I offered him candy again. This time, not only was he not hungry, but the didn’t have the candy that he wanted. I found that very hard to believe, so I asked him what candy he wanted, that I bet they did have it. “Tootsie Rolls”, he said. Tootsie Rolls. He has NEVER had Tootsie Rolls at a movie theater. NEVER. 

I proceed to argue with him about how about this candy selection, and tried to get him to substitute another candy, but nothing but Tootsie Rolls would do.

It was finally time to get our seats. The Tivoli theater has been around since 1928. It was the second theater in the US to show talking pictures. It is not stadium seating, and Y can barely keep the seat down with his weight. I suggested that he use one of the booster chairs. Nope. He didn’t like that idea, besides, did I know this theater was boring?

When the previews came on he said, ” This theater is louder than our theater.” It actually seemed quieter to me, but I knew better than to argue that point. I tried joking with him, tried to get him to admit that maybe, just maybe there was a little room in his tummy for candy. Nope. Not hungry and if he were hungry he would want Tootsie Rolls, but this boring theater didn’t have Tootsie Rolls.

I couldn’t imagine surviving more than two hours with the seat rocking and his attitude, so I told him that if he and I left right then, Daddy could be back to the theater in time to watch the movie with everyone else. He didn’t want to stay but he didn’t want to leave either though. Sigh.

I remained quiet for a while. I was thinking that I couldn’t believe I was going through all of this stuff again. We went through this stuff with A and now with here I was again, many many years later. And really, shouldn’t I know how to deal with this by now? Shouldn’t it be old hat?

I don’t know what happened to change his mind, but he did. He finally said ” I know what candy I would like.” He and P went to get candy. They came back with a booster seat too. And he laughed many, many times during the movie.

Alls well that ends well?

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You have to be ten to go to the pool in our community alone. It is part of our Home Owners Association, very close to our house. In the twenty-three years that I have been a parent, this is the first summer that I haven’t had to juggle children who want to go to the pool vs children who do not want to go to the pool.

 I’ll let you guess which of my five children consistently did not want to go to the pool. Yep. A and Y, my aspie and my quirky. And truthfully, as much as I loved swimming as a child, once I was past a certain age, I hated going to the pool. I hated changing, looking for a towel, walking to the pool, thinking about the weather ~ was it warm enough, too windy, was it going to rain. It was just too much… too much something!

But now, the only child I have under ten is Y and he hates the pool (especially this year when he is not allowed in the kiddie pool any longer). At least this pool. He loves the water park in our town. But not for swimming. He loves the bucket that dumps gallons of water on his head. Thankfully I also I, my sixteen year old daughter, who loves Y with a passion and does not mind watching him for a couple of hours.

So the other day, E and I were able to go to the pool together. And it was so nice. I only had to be responsible for finding MY pass and MY towel. I didn’t have to deal with Y’s pouting or bribe him with candy from the vending machine.  Y would always want to leave before E, leading to the dilemma of what child to please/disappoint. Of course, Y’s displeasure is so much more difficult to deal with than E’s, Y usually got his way. (Not always. I try to balance it. But it is difficult. And sadly,E understands my dilemma.)

At the pool with E. We swam – well, as much as I am able to right now. My toe is still bothering me, so I can’t really kick with my left foot. We talked, we lay in the sun and we had candy from the vending machine. Then all of her friends showed up, but we had a good time while it lasted.

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