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Posts Tagged ‘asperger’s’

Things were good again with W this morning. He was a little miffed that I didn’t wake him up at 6 am, again. But I told him I will do it no matter what next Tuesday, even if I have to drag him out of bed and carry him down the stairs and plop him on the couch.

I made pancakes this morning. I think they were appreciated by everyone. T was/is a little sad.  I think there are things about school that are bothering her, some I can figure out (grades, feeling like she is behind in some areas) but there might be more to the story and so far she is not sharing. I’ll have to keep my eye on her. Socially things are good (although I saw her in the fifth grade line today and she looked upset. She and her best friend were not standing near each other. Maybe a little fight occurred?)

W and Ms. B decided that he would try eating in the lunchroom again today. So that is making me slightly anxious. I hope it goes well and I hope they are open to continue doing lunch how they’ve been doing it all week if it doesn’t. W told me yesterday afternoon that on Monday he wants to be dropped off at his class line instead of going to the office to meet Ms. B. I suggested we make it Tuesday instead. This is also making me slightly anxious, but it is a good sign.

He really has been so much happier, although he does get tired and it all starts to catch up with him by Wednesday, I think. We all need this weekend.

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good again

W is having a good week. The mornings have been smooth. The evenings have had only a few conflicts, but about sharing the tv, not school. I think we will get through tomorrow with another smiley face on his chart.

And then we have to make it through the weekend. Weekends bring a lot of change and change is not something that W or I handle particularly well. So P and I HAVE to sit down on Friday night or Saturday morning to plan the weekend, manage expectations and not overwhelm ourselves with activities and being out of the house too much. Which is hard to do. But we are realizing more and more that it is vital and necessary or none of us the patience or energy to get through our hectic weekdays.

W has decided he would rather see his “treat for going to school without conflict” movie on Saturday or Sunday, instead of tomorrow. Tomorrow is Generator Rex and Star Wars Clone Wars. F has her homecoming dance on Saturday (for which she still does not have a dress! She hates shopping. She hates dresses. Hence, she has no dress for the dance that is two days away). T will likely come up with some surprise activity she wants to be involved in. And P and I must, must, must find a few hours to spend together.

All in all it has been a good, happy week.

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Wednesday has so far been good. I can’t even think of ONE bump we had this morning. Not a one. Excuse me while I knock on some wood <knock, knock>.

A pleasant morning was had by all. 

Two more smiley faces on his calendar for the week and he gets to see the new owl movie on Friday.

I’ve got some thoughts swirling around my brain. I think I will shoot for a Friday post trying to corral them all.

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My alarm went off at 6:20 am. I give myself ten minutes before I get up to snuggle with P. This was a rare morning that W wasn’t in our bed. He had slept the whole night through in his bed.

At 6:30 exactly, W came stumbling out of his room, asking what time it was. I told him and asked him if he wanted to go downstairs and watch tv or snuggle in bed for a while. He chose snuggling over tv and promptly went back to sleep.

The rest of the morning went just as smoothly until about 7:45 when I noticed him curled up in a ball on the couch. I asked him to tell me what was wrong. At first he said “nothing”, but then admitted that his missing library book was bothering him and he’s was afraid he would lose a blue key. ( This library book business is bothering me. I know this particular Dr. Seuss book never came home with him.)
I reassured him that Mrs. T and I had talked about the book and that he is not to worry about it at all. We adults will
solve the problem. It was like a physical weight had been lifted from him when I said that.

The next slight blip came at the door as we were leaving – he said – without me having to prompt him, “I’m afraid I will lose a blue key” I reassured him that we all agreed –  his teachers, us and even the principal, that he does not need to be concerned about keys at all. They don’t matter any more.

And then we proceeded to have one of the quickest, most lighthearted walks to school yet. We talked about Halloween and what kind of container you would need to hold all of your candy if you went to every house in our village. We finally decided you would need a spaceship, carrying a jumbo jet, carrying a regular jet, carrying a big truck, carrying a plastic pumpkin filled with candy.

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We learned that Mrs. I had already started making plans for W to be observed and tested.

Ms. B had some wonderful, concrete suggestions on how to reward W for good behavior and to make his day easier for him. No more blue keys. No more yellow or orange keys. We agreed that we will bring him to the office in the morning where Ms. B will meet him take him to room 7 for a little bit to play computer games. Then at lunch time he goes with Ms. B again to room 7 to have lunch with her. We did this all for the first time last Thursday, I think. And it worked really well. He was even done with his lunch early and she told him he could play games for a bit, but he said he wanted to join his classmates in the cafeteria.

He went to school pretty well on Friday and today.

We still have a long road ahead of us. Many many meetings and planning sessions and strategies. But we are not alone. We have help and we have hope.

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I went home and collapsed. That was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through.

My mother went through similar things with me. But we never really got me any help. I think I was just seen as a difficult, willful child.

I got a call from Mrs. T at lunch time telling me that he was doing well. Smiling and participating. I picked up an apologetic child that afternoon, who said he didn’t THINK he would behave the same way the next day. And he didn’t. It was worse.

The next day he refused to leave the house. I had to call my husband home to come help me. I was so angry. So upset. So scared. And so was W. Not a good scene.

We called the school and told them we were having trouble getting W to school and that we needed to set up an appointment with the principal for as soon as possible.

Once again I slowly slowly slowly got him out of his room. Into the hall. Onto the stairs. Where he grabbed the bannister and wouldn’t let go. Finally got him to let go. Into the dining room. Wouldn’t let go of the chair. Finally got him to let go. Onto the porch. Across the yard. Then he saw the front yard and got really upset. P picked him up and that point and placed him in the car. He wouldn’t sit up. Struggled against me as I tried to put his seatbelt on.  On the drive to school he told me that I didn’t care. That was a stab to the heart. I told him it was actually the complete opposite. That the reason we were doing all of this was because of how much we care about him and love him. That we are doing what we believe to be the best thing for him and trying to get him the help and education that he needs.

Got to school. P had to carry him into the office. The principal suggested that P and she take him to his classroom at that point, but they would have had to drag him and I wasn’t comfortable with that. So we had an impromptu meeting right there and then. Ms. B. was there. We all talked a little. W started to calm down a bit. And we started to come up with a plan on how to deal with all of this.

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So things are not going as smoothly as they had been. School is determining his behavior at home AT ALL TIMES. With W is always best for things to go as planned, with no surprises or bumps in the road. But add school to the mix and their has been NO room for bumps of any kind.

He is dreading school. Not playing with Alex. Begging me to wake him up at 6 am so he has more time at home and with me.

Then the day that I have anticipated and dread finally arrived. We walked to school and he physically would not walk down the hill to get in line with his classmates. My toe is still not 100% and although he is small and skinny, he is strong and was very determined not to go to school that day. Was I going to through him over my shoulder and walk down the slippery hill with him flailing  about? Was I going to drag him down the hill screaming and crying?

Someone must have noticed what was happening and his teacher and one of special ed teachers came to help. They tried to reason with him at first. Mrs. T had to attend to the other kids so Ms. B and I were there on the hill trying to calm him down and figure out a plan.

Now really, I am kind of glad that is happened although it was soooo hard, because now they could see what we were dealing with and I knew we would now for sure get the help and attention that we need. Ms. B and I, after more than a half an hour, finally got him into school. I slowly slowly slowly persuaded him to get closer and closer to the building. In the end, they opened the door and pulled him in.

As I walked away, I could still him his shouting “NO!”.

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W started school on August 23. There were tears and a little bit of struggling to get him into the building. The same was true of the rest of the week, but everyday I was picking up a happy, excited kid who has lots to tell me about his day.

By the end of the second week I did start to see a lessening of enthusiasm. He started to complain about being bored. He told me at one point that the other kids didn’t want him to speak at recess??? That was odd. Lunch was starting to get a little bit more difficult. It’s loud in the lunch room, and he likes to sit in the same place everyday. Everyone else kind of chooses where to sit daily. So he had been eating alone a lot.

The teacher kept reassuring me that Wyatt was all smiles at school and he was doing well. But she doesn’t see him at home, and he was starting to show signs of stress. Not wanting to play with his friends, and dreading the next day of school.

Then the library debacle occurred. Library books are to be returned on Monday’s. But there was no school that Monday. On Tuesday we forgot to put his library book in his backback. His teacher told him that if it happened again he would lose a blue key (for responsibility). He listened to the teacher and librarian talking to make sure they weren’t talking about him and his missing book. After school that day he said he didn’t feel good. We talked for a while and we were able to discover that he felt upset about the library book.

I think it was that week that we decided to give him a mental health day. It was a Thursday. He was by my side almost the whole day. He helped me clean the house, we had lunch together, he did some writing and some impromptu science experiments. He went back to school on Friday with not too much difficulty.

The Hell of Week four, next post

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We planned the whole weekend. Y was happy with all of the plans, thankfully. We built in enough “down” time for him. Time to play video games, time to play with friends, time for sword fighting imaginary foes.

The last thing on our agenda, for Sunday night, was going to see Karate Kid! Yay! A movie we were all looking forward to seeing. Even our eldest daughter, R, wanted to come. But I made one crucial mistake. I neglected to tell Y that we were going to a different theater than we usually go to.

We all got in the car and were talking about the movie and what snacks everyone wanted to get. The theater we usually go to is about five minutes away from our house. The theater we went to last night is about 15 minutes away. It finally dawned on Y that we hadn’t arrived at “our’ theater yet and he said ” Are we going to a different theater?”.  Oops. I told him “Oh, yeah, I thought I told you that we were seeing the movie at the Tivoli. You’ve been there before.” He insisted that he hadn’t been there before and that in fact I had not told him.

His eyes got kind of misty, but he stayed quiet. We arrived at the theater. We all got out of the car. Except for Y. P had to get him out of the car. We started walking to the theater. Y said ” This theater is boring.” I said “Well, the movie won’t be boring. It’s going to be lots of fun.”. We kept walking and he kept insisting that the theater was boring.

We payed for our tickets, got in line for snacks and Y said that he wasn’t hungry. This after telling us at dinner that night that he didn’t want to eat too much pizza because he wanted to be hungry for movie snacks. But now, nope, there was no room in his tummy for one ounce of candy, let alone a whole box.

At this point, my blood was starting to boil. I tried to remain calm, but really, I had thought this evening was just gonna be fun. I wasn’t ready for the struggle of getting Y back to a place where he could enjoy himself ~ if that was even possible.

His sister was able to make him smile a few times, but when he wasn’t getting her direct attention, he was on his knees, face down on the floor. I offered him candy again. This time, not only was he not hungry, but the didn’t have the candy that he wanted. I found that very hard to believe, so I asked him what candy he wanted, that I bet they did have it. “Tootsie Rolls”, he said. Tootsie Rolls. He has NEVER had Tootsie Rolls at a movie theater. NEVER. 

I proceed to argue with him about how about this candy selection, and tried to get him to substitute another candy, but nothing but Tootsie Rolls would do.

It was finally time to get our seats. The Tivoli theater has been around since 1928. It was the second theater in the US to show talking pictures. It is not stadium seating, and Y can barely keep the seat down with his weight. I suggested that he use one of the booster chairs. Nope. He didn’t like that idea, besides, did I know this theater was boring?

When the previews came on he said, ” This theater is louder than our theater.” It actually seemed quieter to me, but I knew better than to argue that point. I tried joking with him, tried to get him to admit that maybe, just maybe there was a little room in his tummy for candy. Nope. Not hungry and if he were hungry he would want Tootsie Rolls, but this boring theater didn’t have Tootsie Rolls.

I couldn’t imagine surviving more than two hours with the seat rocking and his attitude, so I told him that if he and I left right then, Daddy could be back to the theater in time to watch the movie with everyone else. He didn’t want to stay but he didn’t want to leave either though. Sigh.

I remained quiet for a while. I was thinking that I couldn’t believe I was going through all of this stuff again. We went through this stuff with A and now with here I was again, many many years later. And really, shouldn’t I know how to deal with this by now? Shouldn’t it be old hat?

I don’t know what happened to change his mind, but he did. He finally said ” I know what candy I would like.” He and P went to get candy. They came back with a booster seat too. And he laughed many, many times during the movie.

Alls well that ends well?

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bffs

Y and X were born one year and four days apart. Y is the older one. X is our neighbor.

 When Y was two he used to run away from X. I think X’s unpredictability scared Y.

When Y was three and X was two, they would play side by side, more than together. And of course, either I or X’s mom was always near by.

When Y was five and X was four, Y thought  X was a little silly. One year seemed like a big age difference.

This year, Y is seven and X is six. The difference doesn’t seem so big anymore. First thing after breakfast, now that it is summer, Y says “Can I go knock on X’s door?” And then they are off to play Legos, sword fighting, or any of a million little boy games that I don’t quite understand.

Y still won’t go with them (without me) to a movie, or for ice cream, but he did go with X’s mom to pick him up from camp the other day, which surprised both us mommies greatly. I love that X’s mom doesn’t stop asking though, and at the same time is completely understanding when Y says no thank you.

I am so glad that Y has such a good friend. A never did. I think it could have made such a big difference in his life.

I’m looking forward to this fall when Y and X walk together to school, both going to school full-time for the first time. I hope X’s family stays in the neighborhood for a long, long time.

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